Whispering Wyrd

The Healing Web

recent posts

  • AI and Recovery

    Disclaimer: I don’t like AI, so obviously I don’t take a neutral stance here.

    I know that AI can be a useful tool in certain circumstances. For very important things, like health, it’s crucial to get an actual doctor’s opinion. The same holds true for topics regarding recovery. AI makes a lot of mistakes. A lot.

    It can be very tempting to just take what AI says at face value because it’s designed to sound very confident in its responses, even if those responses are nothing more than AI “hallucinations”. Personally I think that’s extremely dangerous, it can be very misleading.

    People all over the world are asking various AI chatbots questions about their health. I’ve read several news articles about AI diagnosing things doctors had missed. That’s great… when it works. But there are many more stories about AI chatbots giving horrible advice, causing great harm to individuals.

    Then there is the affect of AI data centers has on local environments. These data centers require an insane amount of energy and water. I’ve read that just asking a single question to any AI chatbot consumes, at minimum, a bottle of water.

    A single question. Imagine every person in the country asking just one question per day. That’s a minimum of 342 to 349 MILLION bottles of water per day.

    People in recovery can be particularly vulnerable during certain points in recovery. We need help, and fast. Sometimes it can be the middle of the night or 3 AM and we need help right then. Unlike people, AI never sleeps. It’s always there.

    It’s extremely tempting to open up the laptop or use the phone and ask an AI chatbot for help as if it were a person. AI is trained to mimic empathy. The key word is “mimic”. But it’s a machine. It has no feelings one way or another toward a suffering human being.

    And as good as AI is at mimicking human emotions, it can be easy to forget that’s not a human on the other side, it’s a machine. It has no body so it has absolutely no interoception. With no interoception, it is utterly incapable of accurately guessing a human’s current emotional and physical state.

    I write this because I know there are people out there who feel isolated and turn to AI. That’s why I think recovery groups are so vital. Recovery groups are both in-person and online. Real people, not machines. And those real people can provide something no machine ever could, true understanding through lived experience.

    A machine has never felt afraid at 3 in the morning, experienced flashbacks from trauma, or desperately wanted a drug or alcohol.

    A machine doesn’t know what any of that is like because it’s never experienced any of that. The people in recovery groups have. They KNOW what it’s like because they’ve experienced it themselves. They can help someone in ways no machine ever could.

    I’m under no illusion that AI is going to disappear or that it doesn’t have its uses. But I’m also under no illusion that it knows what’s best for us or is even capable of WANTING what’s best for us.

    As someone in recovery myself, I just want to encourage others to connect with real people, not machines. We are social creatures, we need each other. If you ever find yourself in great need and wanting to use or drink again and decide to use AI, please consider asking it about the nearest recovery group. That would be the best use of an AI chatbot at a time like that.

    Amituofo
    ~Buck

  • Letting Go Of The Struggle

    I haven’t published anything for the last several days. I’ve still been writing but those writings have just been for me. I needed the break.

    I want to publish because I want to, not because I feel like I have to. I don’t write as a job, and sometimes the things I’m working through need to stay private for a while before I’m ready to share them.

    I’m 19 months and one day out now with no substances. 579 days and I’ve realized something during these past several days… I’m still learning. I can still get knocked down pretty hard by a bad day, or by a couple of bad days in a row. But the important thing is I get back up.

    Nineteen months and one day. 579 days. That may not seem like much to some people but it’s huge to me. I don’t pick up a bottle. I don’t seek out pills. I can vividly remember so many times when I would have done one or the other or both.

    I’ve come a long way. I’m still alive. I’m not drinking or taking pills. I’m still healthy enough to practice Tai Chi and qigong every day. Since I last published anything I’ve even started learning Bai He Quan (White Crane kung fu).

    But something had been eating at me somewhere in the back of my mind since January 15, 2025, the day I took my last benzo after more than 20 years of taking them, alcohol before that, and more than a year and a half of tapering.

    I couldn’t put my finger on it. I just knew something was there gnawing at me. At times I got really frustrated because I knew something needed my attention, but I couldn’t identify it good enough to address it.

    During this break, it finally became clear. I had been holding on to the struggle. That’s hard to put into words. My nervous system had been on high alert for so long, not just during withdrawal, but for decades. Getting off benzos certainly didn’t make that any easier. My brain and body have had to learn how to regulate themselves without the substances I relied upon for so many years.

    But this goes back a lot further than substances. I’ve been on guard to one degree or another since I was a kid. There’s a reason I started drinking vodka in seventh grade and using drugs at 15. Things like that rarely happen in a vacuum.

    Somewhere along the way hyper-vigilance felt “normal” to me. Always watching. Always scanning. Always looking at people, places and situations for some sign of danger even when I was somewhere safe. Even when I was alone. Even when there was absolutely nothing to defend myself against.

    I finally saw this clearly during a particularly prolonged meditation session. I had gone into that meditation specifically wanting to understand what was happening inside me. And when the realization actually came it was utterly and painfully clear. I broke down and cried… “wept” would be a more accurate word. And then I wept some more. It was such an intense release that I actually felt a little physically unwell afterward.

    But I needed it, I needed to understand. Because once I could finally see what was happening I could start working on it instead of blindly struggling against something I couldn’t even name. And that’s what I’ve been doing lately. I’ve been actively working with my body, my mind and my nervous system. Reminding them over and over and over again that we’re safe now.

    I’m learning that I can’t just “think” my way out of patterns that have been carried in my body for decades. So I’ve been using practices that involve the body as well as the mind. I already feel a little bit more at ease. Not because everything is suddenly or magically fixed but because I finally understand now what I’ve been carrying for frikkin decades.

    Letting go of the struggle doesn’t mean that the struggle magically disappears forever though. It might just mean realizing that I don’t have to stay braced against life every second of the day. I don’t have to constantly scan the horizon. I don’t have to keep fighting battles that ended a long time ago. I can learn every day bit by bit that this time in my life is different.

    And that I’m still healing. That I’m still learning and still in the process of becoming who I am when I’m not in danger anymore.

    There’s a saying heard a lot in recovery that goes “One day at a time.” After 579 days I understand those words more now than I ever did before. There isn’t some imaginary finish line where I’ll finally be able to declare myself completely healed. There is just today and what I choose to do with it.

    So if you’re struggling too, be gentle with yourself. Whether you’re healing from substances, trauma, hard or bad experiences, or from years of living in survival mode, give yourself time. Healing is a journey not a race toward some imagined finish line.

    We are all works in progress. Sometimes progress is just realizing that we’re safe enough now to start letting go of the struggle.

    Amituofo
    ~Buck

  • The Kindness That Never Makes Headlines

    I spent all of yesterday sick and in quite a bit of pain. I’m feeling better today, not completely back to normal, but good enough to run some errands and go grocery shopping with my wife.

    We stopped by my favorite little indoor produce stand too. I only needed some jalapenos this time so I picked out the ones I wanted and took them to the counter.

    “This is all I need today” I said.
     He bagged them up and said “These are on us.”

    I was surprised. He said that I’m a repeat customer and support their business and then asked if I’d ever seen the movie Pay It Forward. “Do that,” he said. “Pay it forward.” I thanked him and told him I definitely would. It was just a handful of jalapenos. A small thing really. But it completely changed my day.

    There’s so much noise in the world screaming for our attention. All the anger, division, suffering, and scary headlines. Sometimes it can make the world look a lot darker than it actually is.

    And then an regular person does something kind. That man had no idea what kind of couple of days I’d had. He didn’t know I was hurting or that I’d been in a pretty dark headspace because of feeling bad and the pain. He was just kind. And that small act of kindness shifted my whole mood.

    It reminded me that underneath all the noise everyday people are still doing good things for each other. Most of those things will never make a headline. They probably won’t ever be noticed by anybody except the person receiving them.

    But they matter. What we say matters and what we do matters. How we treat the person standing in front of us matters. Don’t think your act of kindness is too small to make a difference. You might have no idea how badly somebody needed it that day.

    Amituofo
    ~Buck

  • Today I Chose Peace

    I use the word chose deliberately because that’s what happened.

    I saw a headline that sent me down a rabbit hole. Clickbait works. As I kept on reading I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier. Before long at all I had started writing a post fueled completely by that anger and my sense of moral outrage.

    Then I caught myself. The anger was showing up in every sentence. If I finished writing and hit “Post,” all I would have done was add one more angry voice to a world that already has more than enough of them.

    Whether it’s the news, social media, or just the constant, unrelenting stream of things competing for our attention, it’s too easy to let someone else dictate our emotional state. Today I almost let that happen.

    But my peace is way more important to me and to my family than any headline. An angry heart tends to spread anger. A peaceful heart has a lot better chance of spreading peace.

    “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

    “Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is an eternal law.” – The Buddha

    I don’t write this as a “look at me” post and I certainly don’t write it to preach. Like most of what I write, I’m just documenting my own journey. Some days I do better than others.

    If you’re anything like me and you catch yourself upset by a headline or caught in an endless cycle of outrage, maybe it’s worth pausing for a second. Ask yourself whether holding on to that anger will actually change anything… or whether protecting your own peace might be the better choice.

    Today, at least, I chose peace.

    Amituofo
    ~Buck

  • Growing More Than A Garden

    Last night I ate a lot of cherry tomatoes with my evening meal. Usually there wouldn’t be anything special about that but these came from our own garden. There’s just something special about eating food you’ve grown yourself. Food you’ve watered, weeded around, patiently waited for, and finally get to enjoy. After living in apartments for so long without a garden it makes this tiny harvest feel even more enjoyable.

    Back in Texas gardening was hit or miss. Some years the grasshoppers would come in clouds and destroy an entire garden overnight, stripping not just the vegetables but even the leaves and bark from trees.

    This year though we have a garden again. One thing about gardening here in the high desert is that it’s so hot for so long the growing season should last till January! Just kidding, it doesn’t, but it’s definitely a longer growing season than Santa Fe. We’ve only been in this house a short time but we’ve already been able to plant and harvest. Most of our plants came from Home Depot instead of from seed since we got started so late in the season. But they’re already giving us fresh produce.

    I planted the garden the day after we moved in. It was one of my highest priorities after we bought this house. For the first time in 6 years we have enough backyard space to really enjoy gardening again. So far we’ve harvested shishito peppers, radishes, jalapenos, and tomatoes. Today I’ll be picking squash and the zucchini and bell peppers won’t be far behind.

    Of course gardening is about more than the food. It gives me more time outside. It gives me exercise while I work the soil, pull weeds, water the plants, and collect what they’ve produced. More importantly though it teaches me patience.

    Patience has never come naturally to me but I think I’m slowly getting better at it as I get older. A garden doesn’t care whether you’re impatient or not. It’s gonna grow at its own pace and all you can do is tend to it while you wait. I think every garden grows two things, food and patience.

    Next year I want to expand it by quite a bit. It’ll mean more work but also more rewards. Along with what we’re already growing I want to add corn, okra, cantaloupe, and pumpkins. Speaking of growing things, I was worried about my bonsai trees when we moved here. Trees don’t like being moved and moving them to a completely different climate and elevation seemed really risky. To my surprise though they’re actually doing better here than they ever did in Albuquerque or Santa Fe. Even my aspen is thriving here!

    There’s just something about caring for living, growing things that brings me peace. I can’t explain it or adequately put it into words. I just know that it’s very rewarding and for me deeply spiritual. It’s a hobby but it’s also something more than just a hobby.

    I think it’s important to have something in our lives that becomes a sanctuary. Something we come back to day after day that gets us away from our worries and reminds us to just be present. Whether that’s a garden, a meditation cushion, a woodworking bench, a paintbrush, or a favorite walking trail doesn’t really matter. What matters is having something that brings us back to ourselves.

    This life is unrepeatable. There’s so many distractions fighting for our attention every day. I think we all need something that helps us slow down and notice the beauty that’s already here and remember to be grateful for the miracle of being alive.

    Amituofo
    ~Buck

    The Sandias turning pink with the sunset.

  • The Whole Picture

    What to write about today?

    I could write about a beautiful experience I had two days ago while doing standing meditation outside. A hummingbird landed on a bush less than four feet away from me and stayed there for a good five minutes while the sunset exploded into colors behind it. I just stood there in awe. Moments like that remind me how beautiful it is just to be alive and healthy enough to enjoy them.

    Or I could write about what led up to that moment and why it meant so much. The nightmares have been interrupting my sleep again. I already wrote about that recently though. The lack of sleep has had me so tense that my whole body hurts. By the time I went outside that evening I desperately needed the peace that little hummingbird and the sunset gave me.

    That’s life though ain’t it? There’s always more stories than the ones we happen to tell. On any given day I write about whatever’s been on my mind then. Sometimes it’s recovery and how much better life is without alcohol and benzos. Sometimes it’s nightmares, anxiety, meditation, Tai Chi, or just finding some hope outside in nature. But whatever I write about is just one small piece of my life. It’s not the whole picture.

    I think that’s true for everybody that shares anything. Whatever people choose to share is just what they’re choosing to share in that moment. We catch little glimpses into each other’s lives but never the whole story. In a lot of ways it’s like social media I think. Most people share the highlights like the vacations, celebrations, victories, or beautiful sunsets. The ordinary days though, the struggles, the disappointments, and the hidden battles mostly stay hidden because they don’t attract as much attention or we think they may be too boring.

    If I’m being honest with myself I probably do something very much like that. I’m not really interested in collecting “likes” or building a huge audience. If I was I’d be spending money on premium themes for the blog and SEO tools and stuff like that. My goal has always been to document my recovery journey and if possible encourage somebody else who is walking a similar path. Even so I usually try to write more about hope than hardship. I really want people to know that life really can be good again after active addiction.

    Yesterday for example we spent time with our little grandson. It was one of those days filled with love, laughter, and joy. I love days like that. But not every day is like yesterday.

    Not every day is terrible either. Sometimes a day is just… blah. A little heavy maybe. Nothing big or dramatic just one of those days where you’re carrying way more than you feel like talking about.

    When I first started writing, I kept those kinds of entries to myself. They stayed on my laptop, encrypted, where nobody would ever see them. Then in my recovery group I heard people talking about sharing their experiences online hoping that somebody else might know they weren’t alone.

    So I started doing the same. There are still a lot of things I’ve written that I’ll probably never share publicly. Every now and then I go back and read those early journal entries. More often than not they bring me to tears. Reading them reminds me how scared I was and how uncertain everything felt. And how badly I doubted whether I was going to make it.

    Sometimes I guess we need those reminders. They remind us how far we’ve come and they remind us to be grateful. They remind us that healing can happen so slow we don’t notice it until we look back. Or at least I need reminding from time to time.

    So if you’re in the early days of recovery or even if addiction has never been part of your story and you’re just going through a really hard time, please keep going. Don’t give up. Your life is more than just this moment.

    There are still hummingbirds to surprise you and sunsets waiting to take your breath away, grandchildren to make you laugh, and quiet moments that remind you just how precious it really is to be alive. Life can be beautiful.

    Amituofo
    ~Buck

  • Faith Should Never Be Met With Violence

    Recently in Albuquerque, a city not far from where we live, a man reportedly pulled a gun on a Catholic priest after getting mad over the priest’s public support for religious freedom and his wife arguing with the priest. According to local news reports the disagreement centered on the priest’s support for the construction of a mosque and his belief that people in the United States should be free to worship according to their own conscience, as protected by the Constitution.

    This isn’t a recovery-related post, but I think it’s an important one.

    What bothers me most isn’t just one insane incident, but what it says about how easily some people seem willing to dismiss one of the most fundamental freedoms our country was built on. The First Amendment, adopted in 1791 as part of the Bill of Rights, protects the freedom of religion. Not one religion. Not one denomination. Religion. And no, the word “religion” is not synonymous for only Christianity.  That protection applies equally to Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs, atheists, and every other belief or lack of belief.

    This is a subject that hits close to home for me. Because I’m a Buddhist I’ve experienced disapproval and discrimination just because of what I believe. Some of it has come from complete strangers and, sadly, some from people I care about. Thankfully nobody has ever pulled a gun on me because of my faith, but I’ve certainly been made to feel that my beliefs were somehow unacceptable or that I should keep them hidden. Nobody should have to feel that way. Ever.

    One hopeful thing did come from the events in Albuquerque though. Leaders and members of a lot of different faiths stood together in a public show of solidarity against religious violence. I found that deeply moving and hopeful. It reminded me that there are far more people who want peace than there are people willing to use fear or intimidation.

    Pretty often these days you can hear somebody say that the United States is a “Christian nation.” It’s true that Christianity is the religion most commonly practiced in this country. But constitutionally, the United States was not established as a nation with one official religion. Our founding documents deliberately protect the freedom of every person to follow their own conscience.

    That protection is there and it’s important. It matters for Christians. It matters for Muslims. It matters for Jews. It matters for Buddhists. It matters for every person whose beliefs may differ from those of others. If we only defend religious liberty for people who believe like we do then we aren’t really defending religious liberty at all.

    Violence, threats, and intimidation have no place in disagreements over faith. If our beliefs lead us to hate, harass, or threaten others just because they worship differently or believe differently, then maybe the first place we should examine is not somebody else’s religion, but our own hearts.

    I stand against religious violence in every form and I stand with those of every faith, and of no faith, who are committed to protecting one another’s right to live and worship in peace.

    Amituofo
    ~Buck

  • When Sleep Becomes Something You Fear

    There’s one part of every day that I dread. Bedtime. As the sun starts setting I can already feel it creeping in. The closer bedtime gets the more the anxiety builds. Ever since I got off alcohol and especially since getting off benzos, that feeling has gotten insanely intense.

    Then come the nightmares. I wake up with my heart pounding so hard it feels like it’s going to explode or jump out of my chest. I’m drenched in sweat, sometimes waking up so violently, punching, kicking, that I’m nearly out of bed before I even know what’s happening. For years alcohol dulled those dreams. Later benzos did the same. Now that I’m sober and clean there’s nothing numbing them anymore. They’ve come back with a vengeance.

    I can honestly say I hate bedtime. I’ve done everything I know how to do to make it better. I’ve practiced breathing exercises, meditation, and calming techniques before bed. I’ve read lighthearted books. I’ve watched funny movies, all in hoping to quiet my mind before sleep.

    The nightmares still come. One of my sons suggested I try therapy again. I know therapy has been life changing for a lot of people and I’m genuinely glad it helps them. Unfortunately, my own experiences have been very different. I’ve seen therapists several times over the years, and for me the results have always been the same… either they didn’t help at all or I actually felt worse afterward. On top of that the cost was significant to say the least. Because of those experiences I’ve completely lost all confidence that therapy is the right path for me, even though I know it is for others.

    During the day I’m actually doing well. Once I’m up and moving, especially if I stay busy, life is good. But I also know how much better I could feel if I was sleeping good instead of carrying the anxiety left over from another night of nightmares. It’s exhausting to spend every evening bracing yourself for something that hasn’t happened yet but almost certainly will. Every. Single. Night.

    I’ve talked to doctors about it before, but the solution always seems to circle back to pills. That’s where we part ways. After everything I’ve gone through to get off alcohol and more than twenty years of benzos, I’m not willing to walk back down that road. I know meds have their place and have helped people, but for me they aren’t the answer I’m looking for.

    So I’m left searching for answers. I’m not giving up. I’ve come far too far and fought through way too much to let nightmares define this chapter of my life. I don’t know what the answer is, but I refuse to believe there isn’t one somewhere. And until I find it I’ll keep doing the best I can, one day and one night at a time.

    If you’ve ever caught yourself dreading bedtime because of nightmares, anxiety, or insomnia, please know you’re definitely not alone. It can be a lonely struggle but I think there are more of us on this road than we might think.

    And if you’re one of the fortunate people who sleeps peacefully, cherish it. It’s a gift that a lot of us don’t really appreciate until it’s gone.

    I sincerely hope you’re sleeping better than I am.

    Amituofo
    ~Buck

  • When Your Body Knows Before You Do

    What’s your favorite ways to deal with stress? Would you be willing to share them? What about those times when you’re way more stressed out than you realize until your body starts letting you know with pain?

    I think that’s exactly what happened to me. I wrote recently about how the multifocal PVCs that first developed during benzo withdrawal and detox have come back. At first I couldn’t figure out why. After all, I’m happier today than I’ve ever been in my life. So why are they back??

    But happiness doesn’t make anybody immune to stress. The last month has been one of the busiest times my wife and I have had in years. We moved into our new home, a dream we’ve been looking forward to for a long time. But this house has come with more surprises than we expected.

    The biggest was the roof. We thought only one section needed to be repaired where it had been leaking bad enough that part of the ceiling was close to collapsing. But we ended up having to replace the entire roof. What was supposed to be a two day job stretched into four and we’re still waiting for our solar panels to be put back up.

    On top of that, we’ve learned we need plumbing work in two parts of the house along with a completely new water softening and filtration system. It feels like we’ve been hemorrhaging money since the day we moved in here.

    Then last night we had one of the biggest thunderstorms I’ve seen in a while here in New Mexico. Maybe storms like that are common place here in Bernalillo, we’ve only lived here about a month, but they certainly weren’t where we lived before around New Mexico.

    As the thunder rolled and the rain poured down I noticed a headache coming on. My shoulders were tight and my jaw was clenched tight. I caught myself getting up more than once just to check whether the roof was leaking again.

    It wasn’t leaking but that was my “aha” moment. I realized just how much stress I’ve been carrying without really knowing it. The stress wasn’t just affecting my thinking. It’s been affecting my sleep, bringing back old nightmares, messing with my appetite, giving me tension headaches, and I really think it may even be the cause of those PVCs coming back.

    I went and sat in meditation. As I sat there it became obvious that the stress hadn’t started with the storm. It’s been building up for weeks now… the whole process of buying the house, packing, moving, unpacking, arranging everything, the expensive problems we hadn’t been told about, scheduling repairs, and watching the bills just pile up.

    I’d also been rushing through my Tai Chi and qigong practices. Some days I skipped them completely because I felt too busy. Even when I did practice I was mostly just going through the motions. I guess I’d forgotten that these practices aren’t just things to cross off a to do list. They’re part of how I take care of myself.

    I also noticed that my breathing has been shallow. It’s amazing how fast shallow breathing can make your nervous system think you’re in danger even when you’re perfectly safe. So I decided something has to change. No matter how busy things get I’m going to make time to slow down.

    I’m going to practice Tai Chi and qigong with my full attention instead of rushing through them. I’ll spend more time in both standing and seated meditation. I’m going to stop relying on fast food just because it’s convenient and hopefully my sleep will start to get better again too.

    There’s an old saying I like that goes, “Meditate for twenty minutes every day unless you’re too busy. Then you should meditate for an hour.” It’s kind of a joke but not a joke, but there’s a lot of wisdom hidden in it. Life will always find ways to get hectic. Houses need repairs. Bills come. Unexpected problems show up. The world gives us plenty of things to worry about.

    That’s exactly why we have to make time to care for our minds and our bodies and our spirits. So now I’d really like to hear from you on this. When life gets a little overwhelming what helps you find your way back to peace? What’s your failsafe practice, the thing that quiets your mind and reminds you to breathe again?

    Amituofo
    ~Buck

    Photo Credit: Ty Britt

  • The Freedom To Change

    Life has taught me to be very careful about absolutist thinking.

    There are definitely certain things that are clearly wrong like cruelty, abuse, and intentionally hurting innocent people. Those aren’t subjects that require much debate. But when it comes to people, life is usually more complicated than just dividing everybody into “good” and “bad.”

    I’ve met people who seemed to be in a bad mood all the time but would still stop to help a stranger without hesitation. I’ve also met people who believed their own opinions were so unquestionably correct that anyone who disagreed with them wasn’t even worth listening to. Most of us have probably known people from both ends of that spectrum.

    Sadly, I understand that kind of rigid thinking more than I wish I did. Before I got clean, I was an angry man. Years of addiction and more than twenty years of benzo use, changed me in ways I didn’t really realize at the time. One of the paradoxical effects those drugs can have is increased aggression and rage. Looking back I can see how closely and tightly I held on to my opinions. I was quick to argue, quick to get defensive or even combative, and sometimes so utterly consumed by rage that I couldn’t even explain why I was that way.

    Those memories still hurt even now. Sometimes they bring tears to my eyes. But they also remind me of something important, that people can change.

    I can’t rewrite my past, but I don’t have to keep living as the person I was. Every new day is another opportunity to become a little kinder, a little gentler, and a little more willing to listen than I was before.

    These days I try to hold my beliefs with conviction but also with humility too. I’ve learned that I don’t have to “win” every disagreement. I don’t have to convince everyone else to see the world the way I do. And more often than not protecting my own peace is far more valuable to me than proving some point.

    That doesn’t mean I have to agree with everybody. It just means I no longer feel compelled to fight every battle that comes along. If a conversation becomes nothing more than an argument, I’ve learned it’s OK to just step away. Not because I hate the other person but because peace is too precious to sacrifice over a debate that neither of us is gonna win. Carrying resentment only disturbs my own peace and my own heart.

    That’s one of the gifts recovery has given me. It hasn’t just helped me leave substances behind. It’s taught me that I don’t have to be imprisoned by my old ways of thinking either.

    If you’re struggling with somebody whose rigid views exhausts you it’s OK to make healthy boundaries. Sometimes loving people just means accepting that we can’t change them while protecting our own peace at the same time.

    As for myself, I want to spend whatever time I have left leaving people a little more encouraged than I found them. If someone walks away from an interaction with me feeling a little lighter or smiling just a little more then I think I’ve spent that moment well.

    I wish you all peace, good health, and happiness.

    Amituofo
    ~Buck